What is the story we tell ourselves?
by Steve Lentini
We all have a story that we tell ourselves and for each of us it varies. Often it comes from our childhood and our family environment.
Recently I've been looking at what and who I react to. What is the cause of any anger and resentment I feel in my body?
If I react to someone, is that because I have told myself a story that says I am less of a person when this or that happens?
Do I have to feel hurt, angry, sad or depressed?
My journey of self inquiry has taken me to a place where I am observing my "self." I am noticing all the reactions that I have... one theory that I have witnessed lately is that by questioning my reactions I am realizing that I have choices in any moment. If I feel hurt by someone's words or actions, it is my choice in that moment. Somehow, their choice of words or their actions in that moment has crossed up my story. If I am feeling like a "perfect person" or a "high performer" and someone questions the quality of my work, I react angrily or hurt, because their assessment of my work did not live up to "my story," the one I am constantly telling myself. I could just notice... "well, perhaps my work is not up to par right now"... I could say "ok, I'll do better, what would you say needs improving?" That could be my choice. All I need to do is notice what my "stories" are, the ones running me in the moment and make the choice to proactively ask the question... "is this just a reaction to a story that I am telling myself? Is this really me?"
If I can stay in the present moment, take a few deep breaths, a new choice could be to say to my "self"... "ok this is their opinion and they are entitled to it"... or I could say to the person whom I think is offending me... "why do you feel that way... tell me about that"... and be fully present for their response without reaction.
Why do I believe that I even have to react? Is EGO running me... Is that my story, that somehow if I said nothing or dismissed my "hurt" or "angry" feelings that "I" would not be whole or that I would not survive if I did not react?
I am going to just observe my reaction and purposefully not respond to any feelings that, like dandelion seeds, blow in on the winds of my emotions.
I am going to observe my "self" with new thoughts. Thoughts like "oh, I feel like reacting angrily or my feelings feel hurt and I know this is not me," or "this too shall pass. I'll do this until I don't, once, and then I'll start again."
It feels like I'm creating a whole new story, one that is neither happy or sad or angry or hurt. A story that just is, one that feels better... oh wait... maybe that's another story I'm telling my "self."
I think I'll just sit back and watch the story... the one in my head, the show now playing.
Hopefully all new... no reruns.
Gratefully yours,
Steve
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